And in this desolate savannah i walk along, finding myself facing a clock whose hands move anti-clockwise, counting down the time left.

And again I have spirralled into the abys of depression where nothing means anything anymore.

I feel the hopelessness of knowing that despite all that we strive for, it means nothing in the end.

A conscious reality that despite all our efforts what we leave behind will mean nothing and it will not be deemed extroadinary.

And so here I am realising that mediocrity is not so bad, since when I pass, nothing I am will be left to be admired, despite me trying. So whats the point in even attempting?

Thus, as I ponder these sobering thoughts I bring myself back to the knowledge that we only strive to leave our footprint behind in this world so that we are remembered. But unfortunately, as most of us will never realise or understand, only a small percentage of us, will ever leave something behind which will ever be considered important.

Though, i continue to write my novels, my music, paint and draw, in the attempt, no the hope that one day someone will appreciate it for simply thing that it is. Something apart of me which cannot be expressed in any other way.

We all hope to pass something on to future generations, the majority of us will only pass on our genes, and even then they will be watered down over time. Again resembling nothing but fragments of what they really were.

So whats the point? when you live to fight for something, to create something, but will never experience the appreciation?

I guess, in some ways its only a euphoric dream that we each will leave something in the world which can be traced back to us. Probably less likely for me, as I change my name so that nothing will never be traced back to the one person.

Maybe one day I will have my novels published, just for me. Just so i can have a copy which is not printed off a computer or just words on a screen. Something to have in my collection of books so that I can look upon them and smile, knowing that they will never be read by another soul.